Fisayo Speak's

3 Ways to Decide a Friendship is Over

by Měilìfisayo

As a girl who has seen a lot in terms of friendship like seriously I have seen the good, bad and pretty damn ugly. So, I think I can share some things I have seen reoccur in different friendship to show that the end is very close.

1. Grudge or Malice

You know when your friend starts to bring up or holding on to things that were done months ago or years ago every time you quarrel or have a slight misunderstanding! And you now have to revisit the situation again and discuss it all over to make sure you are cool! This pretty much starts to become a cycle and at some point, you just get fed up and don’t even want to address it no more because you are just tired of talking about it. In your head you are like “Sis, you gotta let it go and move on”. I have so many scenarios but I will share this one with you. I remember a couple of friends who held a grudge on me because I didn’t go clubbing with them and that I choose my job over a night out. I mean I love my sleep and if anyone knows me I don’t play with my coin so heck hang me you want because I ain’t going to change or be peer pressured either and that’s the beginning of the downfall of those friendships.

2. Jealousy

This is a big word but it comes in so many forms and it can be hard to see and place it on your friend because of how much you care about them and cherish their friendship. For example, when a “friend” starts putting you down even saying things like your shoes are ugly, why do you talk that way or sound that way, why are you with this person or who does that and this blah blah. Sis, she is jealous, she doesn’t want to see you win and she wants to use every opportunity do downgrade you in every shape or form. I have been in a situation where all of this has happened to me and I felt like they will change and come to their senses at some point but it never happened. If you are in this situation you need to seriously rethink that friendship because when a friend is having some underline jealously it can be dangerous for you.

3. The Blow Out

This is the kind of situation that breaks it all up and for everyone, it varies from the easy calm walk away whereby they just don’t pick your call no more and you later find out you are blocked on all social media without no fight or misunderstanding. To be honest with you this is the kind of blow out I like because it just makes my life easier and I know where I stand. Then you have the messy messy ones where the police get involve girl I have been through it. I black out and I didn’t care how long I know this person for I had to call the police after a physical altercation because if I don’t someone will so I might as well do it.  She destroyed the friendship when she threw the first punch and best and believe I defended myself back but I had to call the police for a few reasons. One, I didn’t want to be in the same building as her for the next two semesters and two she deserves a police been called on her arse because she has done so much damage to my name and integrity for months and I endured it until the fight so I just said Hell No this is it.

To wrap this up I don’t know who is toxic in your life at the moment and you are struggling to identify it or let it go but don’t wait till it gets too messy until you decide to walk away. I know it can be hard to let that childhood friend go or the schoolmate you have known for years or that family you know and you will always bump into so do yourself a favor and walk away now. I can’t promise you the journey will be easier depending on how much you care for this person it will make you feel shit and like you have been through a really bad break-up but all I can say is time will heal all wounds and this are stories you can share with your kids in the future and probably laugh about.

My next post will be about the benefits of friends because there are some real MVP out there and are ready to die for you so we will dive into that on my next post. Please feel to comment below what other signs to watch out for or share your story.

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Until next time …..

Meilifisayo xxx

21 thoughts on “3 Ways to Decide a Friendship is Over”

  3. I relate to all of these. I had a friend who was constantly jealous of my friendship with another friend and felt like she had to be included on every thing we did. Like me hanging out with just her sometimes then with another friend sometimes wasn’t allowed. I had to be with her and invite her EVERY time. I also had a friend who couldn’t keep my business to herself, she would just be telling everything about my personal life to other people and then tried to gas light me by saying that I shouldn’t do those things if I’m not going to be proud of them. Like girl what? Left that relationship in high school! Cause that’s what it sounded like. I’ve had friends ghost me, but keep checking my socials to see what I’m up to. Like please unfollow me if you don’t want to be in my life

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  4. I just recently let go of a close friend of mine that I still hold dear to my heart. We experienced so much together! However, she grew jealous, toxic, and selfish. I had the most difficult time ending it because I was convinced I could help her realize it. Well, after endless efforts of fixing our friendship I realized I have plenty of friends/sisters that RIDE for me. Those friends deserve my time and efforts. I’m glad we made the right decisions.

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  5. I just recently let go of someone very close to me due to selfishness, jealousy, and toxicity. I tried endlessly to make it work. I realized that I have others who RIDE for me. They deserve my time, efforts, and loyalty! Glad we realized it instead of wasted our time.

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  6. I think it is necessary to let go of relationships where you get nothing but pain or disappointment. Life’s too short to put up with bullshit and assholes. True friends may have disagreements but aren’t toxic to one another.
    Great post!

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  7. I agree jealousy or a friend competing with you is a big sign for me to just walk away. Also friends who are negative or drain your energy I will immediately end that friendship.
    Thank you for sharing.
    Alyssa
    THESACREDSPACEAP.COM

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  8. It is sometimes a shame not all friendships can last forever on good grounds but I love the points you have identified to mark a friendship that is only bringing unhappiness to the people in it.

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  9. One of the big signs for me is when a friend is not respecting your boundaries – for instance I don’t like to be touched unexpectedly and I used to have a friend who would keep patting my arm or hand while we were talking over coffee, I would physically flinch every time and they would tell me that I was difficult and it was so hard to remember to not touch me because that wasn’t normal. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with Autism that I realised that was a really shitty way to treat someone and I gave my permission to just let the friendship die. I basically ghosted her because I didn’t know how else to end it.

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    1. A lot of friends don’t respect boundaries as they want to enforce what you are not use to in you and that’s not nice. Am glad you stood you ground and walked away as it’s not worth it x

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  11. I agree completely with all your points in this post!
    As people, we are born to grow and change and sometimes that change can take us away from people, so we can meet others. Sometimes it’s a good thing and sometimes it can really hurt but in the end? It all becomes a learning curve.

    The last friendship I had to end was a really hard one as we had been friends since we were 16 but after lying and betraying my trust in her, I just knew that there was no friendship left to hang on to. It was time to let go and move on.

    This was such a great post, thank you so much for sharing it!

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